All I Ask of You

This past weekend, the college theatre department where I work part time was putting on a production. During one of the performances, our house manager had to ask a patron to stop playing games on his phone. Twice. Ummmm....maybe he just forgot that he was in a theatre watching a live performance. Twice.

With this recent experience still fresh in my mind, I decided to come up with a list of things not to do during a theatre performance. I thought most of these were common sense, but just in case anyone is looking for a crash course in theatre etiquette, this should give you a pretty good overview.

1. Don't play Flappy Bird on your phone. Or Angry Birds. Or any kind of birds game. Or candy game. Or farm game. Or pets game. Ok, you get the idea...just put the phone down for a few hours. What's going on onstage is a million times better than any game on your phone anyway.

I know the birds are addicting, but Flappy Bird can wait a few hours.

2. Don't sleep during the show. Yes, I have actually seen this happen before. The performers are probably even more tired than you are, but they're up there performing their butts off, so the least you can do is stay awake to watch them. Plus, your snoring is bothering the other people around you who are actually watching the show.

They're called "cat naps" for a reason. Please save yours for before or after the show, not during.

3. And speaking of the people around you, please don't sing along to the songs. I wish I could list this one more than once. This may come as a shock, but the other audience members are here to hear the people on stage...not you. I realize you love the music to the show and that you've memorized every song. But this isn't your shower. Or your car. I'm sure there is a nice karaoke bar just around the corner where you can showcase your amazing rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream" after the show. 

Don't be that person. You know, the second one from the right. And yes, humming counts as singing, too.

4. Don't unwrap 50 candies during the show. I appreciate that you're trying to avoid bad breath. Really, I do. But since you won't be singing during the show you probably don't need to worry about it right now. If you're really that worried about it, then there's this wonderful thing called intermission that is the perfect time to unwrap candies, mints, gum, cheeseburgers, birthday presents or whatever else you managed to bring into the theatre in your purse.

They might be little, but those tiny crinkly wrappers sure make a lot of noise, especially in a quiet theatre!

I really don't think I'm asking too much with these four simple requests. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go take a nap and then play some games on my phone BEFORE I head out to the theatre...